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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642872">Sigh No More: The Tour</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormwoodandhoney/pseuds/wormwoodandhoney'>wormwoodandhoney</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Much Ado About Nothing - Shakespeare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Banter, Benedick is super dumb, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M, Slut Shaming, Social Media, Texting, Twitter, call outs and cancellations</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:07:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormwoodandhoney/pseuds/wormwoodandhoney</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A modern, multimedia retelling of Much Ado About Nothing told through text messages and social media. Two rival bands go on tour to open for rock superstar Pedro Prince. In order to pass the time and attempt to keep the peace, the bands decide to trick their most annoying bandmates, Benny and Bee, into falling in love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beatrice/Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing), Claudio/Hero (Much Ado About Nothing), Ursula/Hero</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Introduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>SIGH NO MORE: THE TOUR</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>[picture features a white graffiti reading, "SHAKESPEARE WAS BISEXUAL]</p><p>Two California local bands hit the big time when they are invited to open for rock superstar Pedro Prince. This story features multiple LGBTQ+ characters, including Benny and Bee, both bisexual or gay men, and Hero, a transgender woman. This story will be told through screenshots of texts, articles, tweets, and Instagram. Each visual will contain a caption below it for accessibility. You can also read this story on <a href="https://sighnomoretour.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>[pictured: four twitter pages. Dogberry’s page says “Malapropism is out now!” with a fire emoji. The featured tweet reads, “if you’re wondering what the sound is on our song padua, it’s @bennydicks falling on the floor while recording. </p><p>The second page is the page of Benny Thompson, @bennydicks. His header is a picture of the words “you told that joke twice.” His icon is a picture of him- he’s a young, handsome white man in his 20s in a record store. His about says, “far too reckless with scissors - mrs. hathaway, second grade”. His tweet reads, “good news everyone, my sexy ripped jeans sexily ripped even more so now one leg is sexy shorts and one leg is sexy pants.” </p><p>The third twitter page is for Zar Doyle, @zardoyle. His header is the back pockets of someone’s jeans, with a tape player on it. His icon is a picture of him- an attractive black man in his 20s, with glasses and a single dangling earring. His about reads, “guitarist &amp; vocalist for @dogberrymusic. Also the prettiest member of the band.” His tweet reads, “last time we toured @bennydicks tried to get the bus driver to ‘do tricks, you know, pop a wheelie’. Not going to survive this one.” </p><p>Last twitter page is for CJ Florence, @cjflorence. His header is a pair of white converse against a blue background. His icon is a picture of him- a cute white man in his 20s with dark hair, on his phone. His about reads, “drummer for @dogberry music. Stream Malapropism for a kiss.” His tweet reads, “can’t believe I’m the new call out king. I’ll call out anybody. Call out your mom. Call out your dad. Your dog? Called out. Your cat? Canceled.”]<br/><br/></p><p><b>DOGBERRY:  </b>a decent rock band made up of three friends. Always had a small local following in their area of California, but after their drummer CJ went viral have experienced a shot of fame.</p><ul>
<li>
<b>Benny Thompson</b>: Guitarist and vocalist. A true dumbass. Doesn’t take anything seriously, much to his own detriment. <em>benedick.</em>
</li>
<li>
<b>Zar Doyle:</b> Guitarist and lead vocalist. Secretly wants to write more meaningful songs, but CJ &amp; Benny just want to mess around. <em>balthasar.</em>
</li>
<li>
<b>CJ Florence: </b>Drummer. Recently posted a call out of John Prince, the brother of famous rockstar Pedro Prince. It went viral and resulted in John Prince’s firing. Desperately insecure in his relationship with his girlfriend Hero. <em>claudio.</em>
</li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <em>   </em>
</p><p>
  <em>    </em>
</p><p>[pictured: Five twitter pages.</p><p>1. Hero &amp; the Villains features an about that says, “boys tears is out now! Make boys cry.” </p><p>2. Bee Sato, @beesato. His header is an image of drums and his icon is a picture of himself- an attractive half-japanese man in his twenties with long hair and a shaved undercut. His about says, “drummer for @heroandthevillains. Please leave me alone.” His tweet reads, “if you wanna be my lover you gotta show two forms of ID, your voting record, and five page essay on the sociopolitical effects of pop punk music have it on my desk by wednesday.”</p><p>3. Mags Irving, @magsirving. Header says “songs we sing together”, and her icon is a picture of her - a half black young woman with red sunglasses on her head. Her about reads, “guitarist for @heroandthevillains. Come see us opening for Pedro Prince on tour!” Her tweet reads, “boys will be boys is such a gross saying. Bugs will be bugs but I’m still gonna squish ‘em!”</p><p>4. Ursula Terry’s twitter page, which has a header of a purple jacket against black background, and an icon featuring her, a black young woman with close cropped blonde hair. Her about reads, “bassist for @heroandthevillains. Mean lesbian.” Her tweet reads, “it says, ‘mean lesbian’ right there in my bio, what did you think was going to happen if you sent me a dick pic. You’re going to get a harshly worded critique of your composition and lighting.</p><p>5. Hero Leonard’s twitter features a header of a tattoo of three cherubs on a rib cage, and her icon is a pretty young trans girl with blonde hair. Her about reads, “all trans girls are angels” with an angel emoji. Her tweet reads, “crazy to think I will be turning 23 on tour. So happy that my life is basically my dream come true.”]</p><p><b>HERO &amp; THE VILLAINS: </b>A pretty good power-pop band. Always had a similar following to dogberry, though fans of Hero &amp; the Villains are NOT fans of Dogberry and vice versa.</p><ul>
<li>
<b>Bee Sato</b>: The drummer. Incredibly loyal and loving to his friends and a ball of sass to everyone else. <em>beatrice.</em>
</li>
<li>
<b>Hero Leonard: </b>The singer. Kind-hearted and sweet. Girlfriend to CJ Florence. <em>hero.</em>
</li>
<li>
<b>Mags Irving:</b> Guitarist. Fun-loving and naive. <em>margaret.</em>
</li>
<li>
<b>Ursula Terry: </b>Bassist. Sarcastic and unimpressed. Secretly in unrequited love. <em>ursula.</em>
</li>
</ul><p>
  <em>Pedro Prince's tour will begin soon!</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Trigger warnings will be provided when appropriate. There will be no explicit homophobia/transphobia, but there will be canon-related issues of public slut-shaming.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ACT ONE: Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1.<span class="u"><strong> An announcement</strong></span></p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>[a google search box reading: Pedro Prince in the search box, with the following options: pedro prince tour, pedro prince hot, pedro prince brother, pedro prince cj florence, pedro prince dogberry, pedro prince brother fight.]</p><p>
  <br/>
  
</p><p>[an article with the headline, “Pedro Prince Announces ‘Sigh No More’ Tour Dates”, with the subheader reading: “After a brutally public brawl with his brother and former collaborator, Pedro Prince is ready to start again.” There is a large photo of Pedro Prince, a handsome Latino man in his late twenties.]</p><p>
  <br/>
  
</p><p>[an article with a large photo of CJ Florence. The headline below reads, “CJ Florence on Calling Out John Prince, Drumming, and Being the New Kid on the Scene.” The subheader reads, “His band Dogberry will be opening for Pedro Prince this summer.”]</p><p>
  
</p><p>[an article from people.com. The headline reads, “Pedro Prince is Going On Tour With the Guy Who Canceled His Brother- and His Girlfriend”. The subheader reads, “Pedro Prince announced tour dates and opening acts Dogberry with drummer CJ Florence and Hero &amp; the Villains, featuring Florence’s girlfriend Hero Leonard.” With three pictures of Pedro, CJ, and Hero underneath.]</p><p>
  
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>[an article from pitchfork: an album review of Hero &amp; the Villain’s album Boys Tears. The first line of the review reads, “on the follow-up to their popular EP, power pop group Hero &amp; the Villains create witty feminist fun.”]</p><p> </p><p>2.<span class="u"><strong> Mixed reactions.</strong></span></p><p>.    </p><p>[pictured: tweets from various users. The first one reads, “anyone else think @heroandthevillains is the definition of riding coattails” and the reply says, “it’s so clear that @heroleonard is just using @cjflorence for fame”. The next tweet reads, “Okay I know this is so messy but I love Pedro, Dogberry, and H&amp;TV!! This is going to be my favorite concert.” The reply reads, “omg my date is @heroleonard’s birthday! I can’t wait to see what @cjflorence does for it. Couple goals.”]</p><p>.           </p><p>[Shannon Loves Jung: How many people are gonna start talking shit so they can go on tour with a famous musician lol. </p><p>Masquerate Stan replies: Pedro is a nice guy! And @heroandthevillains is a great band. @dogberry is… fine.</p><p>Pedro Forgive John Challenge: I know John talked shit but like. When is Pedro going to get over it. He’s inviting both @cjflorence and his girlfriend? Get more friends.</p><p>Dogberrytrash: @dogberry is a great band and they deserve this. Don’t be bitter.]</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>3. Pedro Prince and special guests tour dates, from May 14 - June 26 across the US.</strong> </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>[A list of Pedro's tour dates across May &amp; June, starting May 14 and ending June 26]</p><p>4. <span class="u"><strong>Hero’s phone. Hero decides to be friendly and combine her band, Hero &amp; the Villains, and her boyfriend’s band Dogberry into one group chat. </strong></span></p><p><span class="u"></span>  </p><p>[group chat: 7 people. </p><p><b>Bee Bee: </b>Wait who are all these numbers</p><p><b>Hero: </b>It’s a group chat!</p><p><b>CJ: </b>oh babe, I don’t know if you thought this one through.</p><p><b>Zar Doyle: </b>Wait both bands?</p><p><b>Ursula: </b>oh hero.</p><p><b>Bee Bee: </b>Wait.</p><p><b>Benny: </b>WELL, WELL, WELL.</p><p><b>Bee: </b>Jesus Christ.]</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>5. Bee’s phone / Zar’s phone</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>. </p><p>[Group chat: schemes!</p><p>
  <b>[Benny: </b>
  <span>WELL, WELL, WELL.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Jesus Christ.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>such disdain, dude. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>glad to hear you’re still alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>aren’t you the one who jumped off a boat last month with your guitar</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>checkin up on me!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>worryin about me!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>thinkin about my safety!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Thinkin about if I can get you to jump off the bridge again.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Maybe you guys should just argue in a private chat.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Zar, you were my favorite</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>What hey</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>You’re my favorite babe!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Thanks babe.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>oh my god I’m leaving the chat.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Rules of the gc: no fighting or flirting.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>6. Benny slides into a private text conversation with Bee. Bee’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[Conversation between Benny and Bee:</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>private chat</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>a tete a tete</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>mano a mano</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I don’t want anything to do with your tetes or your mano.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>uh excuse me my mano is in high demand. people love my mano. too bad for them i’m a sexy lone wolf.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>We as a people are incredibly lucky for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you always talk to men this way?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Just you.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>good things. poor guys couldn’t handle you scratching their eyes out.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>if they look like you a scratch to the face could only be an improvement.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>haha and then what (winky emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee:</b>
  <span> Ugh</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny</b>
  <span>: say it again but slower (hot face emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee:</b>
  <span> I swear to God I will block you.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>7. Bee’s phone, Hero &amp; the Villains group chat</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[group chat name: better than the beatles</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Tell me again this is good for our career.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>This is good for our career.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>This is good for out career.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>If you murder him they don’t let you play drums in prison.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Once again Ursula is the only helpful person in this band!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Benny is not that bad! He’s always very nice to me. And he’s CJ’s best friend!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Benny has a hundred best friends. It’s one of his many flaws.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>He’s very popular (side eye emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>With the men and women (side eye emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>That’s because people (side eye emoji) have no taste (two side eye emojis)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Wow I really hate that emoji</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>You have to be nice! CJ has been so nice to me. And he always brings you guys food when he comes over.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Yeah Bee be nice to our new dad!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I’ll be nice to CJ but I’d rather hear dogs barking than Benny talking.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>8. Four days before the first show. Bee’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>.  </p><p>[Group chat with both bands: sigh no more babes!!</p><p>
  <span>[May 10, 3:49 PM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Pedro is inviting all of us to an afterparty to celebrate the first night of the tour!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>That sounds so fun! I can’t wait!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Is it mandatory</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Mandatory fun!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I have plans to stay on the bus and not go.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Those are my plans too. We can’t cancel.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Wow the villains are kind of a snooze.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i don’t think sato sleeps. I think he just powers down quietly in a sterilized room.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I know you think that’s a burn but honestly that’s exactly how I want you to think of me.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>I don’t know how to tell you this but that’s exactly how I’ve always thought of you.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Actually I’d prefer it if you didn’t think of me at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>too late sato (hot face emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>oh my god guys please.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>9. Two days before the first show. Bee’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>   </p><p>
  <span>[May 12, 9:59 PM</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Group chat name: the whole tour</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>Hi guys! To those of you who don’t have my number, this is Pedro. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>I just wanted to say thank you and I’m looking forward to an amazing tour together!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>I know the media has been crazy over everything between CJ and my half brother but I’m really looking forward to putting that all behind us and starting a new adventure!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Thank you Pedro, we’re all really excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>This is going to be amazing!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>I am so glad you called us all here Pedro because I have to report bullying.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>Bee tripped me three times yesterday ON PURPOSE but I can’t prove it. I just know it was him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Oh my God.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>Wait what’s happening?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Ignore this Peds.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Benny, we went over this. He wasn’t anywhere near you.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>Then explain what his drumsticks were doing there! At the scene of EVERY CRIME!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I have a lot of drumsticks and you’re a lot of stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>They’re your calling cards. I know it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re just very clumsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Guys, Pedro has a Grammy. He doesn’t need this.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>Two actually.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>CJ, cancel Pedro for bragging about his Grammys.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">10.  the day of the first show, Instagram</span>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong><span class="u"></span>  <span class="u"></span></strong>  </p><p>   </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>11. Two days before the show. Twitter.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>   <span class="u"><strong></strong></span></p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Tweet from @bennydicks: so sad to announce i am canceling @beesato for being a dick. I will not be taking questions at this time because i am injured from @beesato’s hurtful pranks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweet from @beesato: Setting the record straight re: dicks. I will be suing @bennydicks for defamation of character and emotional distress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweet from @kissmeursula: can someone tell me if @bennydicks and @beesato actually hate each other?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reply from @bennydicks: today he told me the buses were leaving at 6 but it was actually leaving at 4.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reply from @beesato: Today he wrote my phone number in the bathroom stall of a combination Taco Bell/Pizza Hut.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>12. Benny’s phone, an hour before the opening acts go on stage.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>   <span class="u"><strong></strong></span></p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>[Conversation between Benny and Bee:</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Are you okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>why are you texting me little bee shouldn’t you be buzzing around your girlfriends</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Because you look like you might pass out.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>yeah from ballin too hard</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>livin too large</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>too much sex</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>You’ve really convinced me. I’m going to ask CJ to make a call out post for you being too good at life.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>yup.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Once when I was in the third grade I had to perform in the school band and I fell down on stage and fell right into a very cute boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>okay that’s just like a meet cute how does that help me</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I didn’t tell you I was holding my drumsticks at the time and nearly detached his retina.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>He had to wear an eyepatch for a month.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>oh my god??</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>AND THEN</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>there cannot be more sato</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I was in such a rush to get him help that I physically fell off of the stage and took out the principal. HE broke his wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you’re a fucking hurricane, kid</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>So I’m just saying. There’s nothing you can do on that stage right now that’s worse than me.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>CJ should really write a call out post for you.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I can see the headlines now. You’ll never BEE-lieve the secret past of CJ Florence’s girlfriend’s best friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>top ten reasons to unstan the adorable drummer of hero &amp; the villains.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>13. A review</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>[Headline reads: Concert Review: A Royal Night with Pedro Prince &amp; Friends. Side bars read: Hermia Egeus’s trippy new music video explores the beauty of nature. Kate Minola Comes out. Viola &amp; Sebastian Drop Surprise Album. Ganymede on Their New Album, Future Tour, and Love Life. “All’s Well that Ends Well”: Film Review. Hermione Leontes Sings Live for Charity.]</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3: ACT ONE, part two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>14. The afterparty is starting. Benny’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u"></span>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
  <span class="u">
    
  </span>
  
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>[Conversation between Bee &amp; Benny:</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>are you seriously not coming tonight?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I’m not really much of a party guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>but you’re so fun and carefree</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>maybe there will be cute guys to maim</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>or handsome witty guitarists</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>oh if you see any handsome witty guitarists let me know.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i know it’s gotta be a little embarrassing but it’ll be fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you guys played great tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Wait what’s embarrassing? My third grade story?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>no nvm</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span> No, what’s embarrassing?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i mean, just the way you got the gig</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>The way we got the gig?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>hero &amp; cj. but seriously don’t worry about it. i mean i once got a date because i told the girl i knew zac efron’s cousin.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>well i say date but really it was making out in the broken stall in the bathroom of a cracker barrel.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>it was a magical four minutes but then she asked me to spit in her mouth and sing we’re all in this together and i just couldn’t do both at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Wait you really think we got the job because Hero is dating CJ?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Forget it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>look man i was trying to be nice and return the embarrassing story favor</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Very nice, Thompson.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i don’t know how to help people who are afraid of parties!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I’m not afraid of parties, asshole.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>then come to the damn party!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>you know what, I think I’ll pass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>15. Good ideas at a party. Benny’s phone / Bee’s phone</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span> <span class="u"><strong></strong></span></p><p>[Conversation with CJ:</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>did you know you can text people from a blocked number</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Why would I, a man enjoying a fun party with my girlfriend, need to know this information?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>pranks dude</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And who are you going to prank?</span>
</p><p>Conversation with Blocked Caller ID:</p><p>
  <span><strong>Blocked Caller ID</strong>: buzz buzz little bee]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>16. Bee’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[<strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> buzz buzz little bee</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Who is this</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> don’t worry about it</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> wanna play a game?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> i feel like this is going to end in me seeing a disappointing penis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> get your mind out of the gutter!</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Oh excuse me Blocked Caller ID! I should’ve trusted you!</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> So what do you think about pedro prince</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> He’s a very nice man and a very good musician</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> whoa</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> What?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller:</strong> just… such poetry. such effusive emotion. i can barely type through my tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Wouldn’t that be a loss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller</strong>: how about… oh i don’t know. benny thompson?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>17. Bee’s phone, right before Benny stops texting and starts doing shots.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>[Conversation with Hero:</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Hey is Thompson texting me from a blocked number</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Hero:</strong> Oh definitely</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Conversation with "Unknown Number":</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Oh I feel bad for the guy</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Unknown Caller</strong>: what? why? seems like a handsome, funny, talented, successful bisexual man</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Well, you know. Clearly Pedro only invited the band because CJ is his new best friend. And everyone knows Zar is crazy talented with that voice and he writes all the songs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Seems like Pedro only keeps Benny around for the laughs.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>18. Bee’s phone. </strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>   <span class="u"><strong></strong></span></p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>[Conversation with Pedro:</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Whoa what did you say to Benny? He just took three shots and told me he hated you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> I’m sure I broke his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Poor guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Wait now he’s dancing with Hero and CJ.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> I had a feeling he’d bounce back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Hero and CJ are cute. How’d they meet again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Benny and I got into a screaming match at a bar and they had to break us up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> True love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Worked out though! She’s crazy about him. For Valentine’s Day she made him a shoe mailbox, like from when we were kids? Shoved it full of valentines and glitter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> She sparkled for weeks!</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Did you have a Valentine?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee</strong>: God no gross.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> I’m sure I can find you one. Lots of single guys here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> I’m kind of a disaster at dating tbh. Best to keep men away from me. For their own safety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> I could date you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> lmao could you imagine?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> ...yes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Ohhhh.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span class="u">19.<strong> Bee’s phone.</strong></span>  </p><p>   </p><p>
  <span>[Conversation with Pedro:</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Is that a no?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Oh Pedro, I’d be a terrible boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Especially for you! I’m not supportive, I’m mean, I am very self centered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> A guy like you deserves someone nice! Like a good person!</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> I’m a bad person! Just ask Benny, I’m sure he has a list of my faults somewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> He does. He showed me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> But I get it. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> No not at all! I’m just a disaster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Most of you seem like disasters to be honest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Follow your instincts on that one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Okay okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> No hard feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Sorry Pedro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> That’s perfectly fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Pedro:</strong> Hey is Mags single?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Bee:</strong> Oh my God.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>20. Bee’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span> </p><p>
  
</p><p>[Conversation with Hero:</p><p>
  <b>Bee</b>
  <span>: Uhhh Pedro just asked me out.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I turned him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>WHAT</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Ughhhh I’m the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Pedro is such a nice guy!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>He is! He is so nice! He would be very sweet and I would fuck it up so bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Bee!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>He’s great. He’s just… not what I want.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Bee. He is a very handsome, very successful, very nice rockstar.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>What do you want?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Honestly? I just want to play drums and be myself. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Like. I don’t want to force myself to be quieter or less messy or whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee:</b>
  <span> I want to be able to tease someone in my way and not hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m like. An abrasive person or whatever. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Sometimes when I’m with someone I feel like I have to be smaller somehow. Quieter. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I just want to be me and have it be okay. And I don’t want to hurt anyone by being me. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>So basically I want someone who is a disaster like me and also communicates through arguing.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Huh.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>21. Bee’s phone / Hero’s phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p>[Conversation with Hero"</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Huh?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Nothing. Don’t worry, Bee Bee. You will find a perfect fit, I just know it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>And you’re right. You said Pedro is too nice for you but I think he just can’t keep up with you. That’s what you mean, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Yeah, I guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>You’re a force, Bee. And you’ll find someone who knows what you want.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>lol okay. I love you, Hero. Go back to partying.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Love you too, Bee Bee. Get some sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>[Conversation between Hero and Benny]</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>hey where’d you go?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>oh hello my darling hero</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>it appears i have fallen asleep in a sink</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>I’m just gonna… blow right past </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Can I ask you a weird question?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>those are my favorite kind, pretty girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>What do you think Bee wants? Like in life?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>22. Hero's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>  </p><p>[<b>Benny: </b><span>ugh</span></p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>probably to find the little girl who dropped a house on his sister and stole her red shoes</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>I’m serious!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>me too!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Benny!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ben: </b>
  <span>hero the kid is easy</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>all he wants is to drum until his skin cracks and make fun of me until one of us dies</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span> probably me. The sink was on?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Huh.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i know! good news though i think my little wet nap rest reset my drunk and i can have another.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>no, not that, although you should slow down so you don’t die</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>arguing is my love language hero i’m coming to find you so we can do this in person</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Huh.]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>23. CJ's phone</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>    </p><p>
  
</p><p>[Conversation between CJ and Benny:</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Hey who do you think Hero keeps texting?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>Well she was texting me a minute ago to see where i was. Something neither of my best friends bothered to do!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>yeah but before that</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i don’t know dude probably bee</span>
</p><p><b>CJ: </b><span>You think?</span> <span>And Bee’s gay right?</span></p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you think your girlfriend is having an affair with her gay best friend</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>I don’t know! I don’t even know why she’s with me</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>because you’re dope, man!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>I’m just the drummer. I don’t write or sing or anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny:</b>
  <span> i can think of a lot of sexy drummers</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Phil Collins doesn’t count dude!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>ok not who i was thinking of but how dare you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>She’s the lead singer of this band that’s about to blow up. They’re better than us, Ben, and she’s gonna just ditch me for something better.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i mean in the air tonight. Easy lover.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>sussudio dude</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Wait are you still talking about Phil Collins</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>well i am definitely not talking about how your incredibly sweet girlfriend might be cheating on you because she texted someone at a party</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>You don’t get it. I’m gonna find Pedro.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>we didn’t even talk about the tarzan soundtrack!!]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>24. Rico is a roadie working on the tour. He gets an interesting text.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>[Conversation between Rico and an unknown number:</p><p>
  <b>Unknown: </b>
  <span>Is this Rico Vargas?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>who’s asking bro</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Unknown: </b>
  <span>This is John Prince.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>lmao oh shit</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>You’re currently on the road with Pedro, correct?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>yeah dude how’s it going sorry about you losing your job and reputation and shit i always thought you were a cool guy</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>I’m flattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>How would you like to make some money?]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>25. A scheme begins. Hero's phone.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[a group chat labeled: schemes!! With a heart emoji. Everyone but Benny and Bee are in this chat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>May 15, 10:27 AM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>You’re probably wondering why I called you all here.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>We have like four group chats why do we need another one</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>Wait I’m only in one</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>This one doesn’t have Bee or Benny.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Good call. We can probably get twice as much work done.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Three times easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>I have called you all here because I think we should trick Bee and Benny into falling in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>With who? With each other?!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>Actually that makes sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>I think it’s insane but I kind of want to see what will happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>omg love a love scheme!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>This is going to be so messy. I’m in. Benny should feel something once in awhile.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Wow okay you guys are really easy to convince to meddle in your best friends’ lives</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>We’re not great people babe</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero:</b>
  <span> No we are! It’s for true love!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Here’s my idea: boys, you get Benny to overhear you talking about how much Bee loves him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>So lie blatantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Yeah but really sell it!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Benny is pretty dumb I think it’ll be easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>And then us girls will do the same to Bee.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>END OF ACT ONE.</strong>
  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey everyone! hope you're enjoying! if you'd like more consistent updates, follow along on tumblr at: https://sighnomoretour.tumblr.com/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4: ACT TWO</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>26. Some backstory.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[pictured: Article reading: So What Exactly Happened Between Pedro Prince and His Brother? By Adriana Ephesus. Subtitle: The Masquerade rocker publicly fired his long-time collaborator and guitarist (and half-brother) John Prince. So how did the two former besties end up here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>article continued: Pedro Prince has been a superstar relatively free of drama since his first album Messina debuted in 2015. He’s been well-known for his radio-friendly rock anthems and his boyish good charms and he’s never shied away from profusely thanking his collaborate, co-writer, producer, guitarit half-brother John Prince.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So what happened? After winning two Grammy’s in January for his new album, a tweet started making its away around the Internet. Posted by CJ florence of California indie rock band Dogberry, the tweet included a voice memo of Jogn Prince talking trash about his brother, the music industry, and most notably, Pedro’s mother. The memo was taken backstage at the concert of Florence’s girlfriend’s band, Hero &amp; the Villains. The tweet just read, “John Prince is a bastard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Want to know exactly what was said? Here’s a transcript of the voice memo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(screenshot of notes app next to a photo of John Prince.) Begins midsentence: "...but he’s a fucking loser. Without me Pedro would still be kissing our dad’s ass and begging permission to play. You don’t fucking ask for permission to make music. Don’t ask for permission to take anything. You just fucking take it.</span>
  <span class="u"></span>
</p><p>
  <span>You think the music industry is ever gonna let your girlfriend in? I know Pedro has been humoring you and pretending to be your mentor or your best friend or whatever but I’m the one who is going to tell you the truth. There is not place in the industry for people like her or any of you.</span>
  <span class="u"></span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Pedro’s fucking mom, man? She was straight trash. I know what Pedro says…"]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>27. Benny doesn’t understand love</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>[</strong>
  </span>
  <b>Benny:</b>
  <span> man love seems like the worst</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Huh?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>CJ is just like. a miserable dude in love. remember when we were cool musicians?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>You’ve never been cool.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: d</b>
  <span>amn, why the drive by?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>You might fall in love one day and be just as miserably happy as CJ</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>gross</span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>t<span>he other day, CJ was crying to a whitney song. not even a sad one, man.</span></p><p>
  <b>Benny: i</b>
  <span> wanna dance with somebody</span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>a <span>single tear down his cheek and he goes, “she just gets it.”]</span></p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>28. Hero’s phone: schemes, part one</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Hero djsiwkanhdu oh my god it was</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>What?? How’d it go??</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Okay, so we wait until we know Benny is in the dressing room alone and we stand outside the door and Pedro goes really loud, “YOU MEAN BENNY DOESN’T KNOW?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And we open the door really slowly to give him time to hide right</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And the asshole just ducks under the table</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>I swear to god we made eye contact for a second before I pretended to look away and not see him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>The little card table??</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>YES</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Oh Benny nooo</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>So we start talking, you know, we basically said exactly what you made us memorize.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Zar goes, “can you believe how much Bee loves Benny?” and Benny SLAMS his head against the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>No!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And so we all like wait a minute to see if he’s gonna die but he’s quiet so we keep going and talk about how Bee has never been in love before but he loves Benny and all that.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>29. Hero’s phone: schemes, part two</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span> </p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>So because Zar’s a dick he’s like “let’s sit down and talk about it”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>ZAR OMG</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>So we all have to pretend we don’t see Benny ROLL away to hide under the vanity.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>So proud of you for knowing what that’s called babe</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>You keep asking me to build you one which is very sweet that you think I’d know the right end of a hammer.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>I mean I think there’s only one end?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>You teach me so much</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Anyway so we sit down and Pedro starts to adlib</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>He starts saying like, “oh if Bee loved me, I’d be so honored. But everyone can see how much he loves Benny from the way he acts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And then Zar is like, “how does he act”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And Pedro is like uhhh you know</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Wow you guys are good at this</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>So I get us back on track and I’m like Hero talks about how he talks about Benny on the bus and thinks we will die if Benny finds out.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And then Pedro is like, oh Benny can’t find out he will be a major dick. And then from under the vanity we hear, “UHH!!”]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>30. Hero’s phone: schemes, part three</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And so we all say something about how the pipes are bad in this building?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Oh god.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Anyway so we continue saying how Benny would be cruel and Bee is an angelic witty creature</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Accurate</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>And then we get up to leave and before we’re even out the door Benny goes:</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>“OH MY GOD”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>you guys!!! That’s perfect!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Oh damn let’s get Bee to tell him we’re getting McDonalds.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>You’re an evil genius and I love you.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>31. Benny’s phone</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>[Notes app: SIGNS BEE LOVES ME?!]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">32. Benny's phone.</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Hey they want me to tell you we’re going to McDonald’s</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>thank you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>For what</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>for taking the trouble to tell me</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Uh</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>If it had been trouble</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I wouldn’t have fucking done it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>lol! Yeah! Lol!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Are you having a stroke right now?</span>
  <span class="u"></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Notes app:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>SIGNS BEE LOVES ME?!</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Hero says so and Hero has never lied a day in her life and Bee tells her everything.</span></li>
<li><span>Screencap: Hey they want me to tell you we’re going to McDonald’s /// wow begs me to come to McDonald’s]</span></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>33. Instagram, later that evening</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[An instagram post by Benny, showing him sitting as if meditating in front of a graffiti of Buddha. The caption reads, “when I said I was going to die alone I didn’t think I would live long enough to get married.”</span>
  <span class="u"></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Comments:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@magsirving: are you in love benny (side eye emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@zardoyle: anyone in particular Benny?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@heroleonard: I hope you find someone soon! (heart emoji) especially since you keep falling asleep in sinks</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instagram post from Bee: a picture of Bee sitting on the steps of the tour bus. Caption reads: bussin around</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Comments:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@bennydicks: this is a good picture</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@beesato: @bennydicks have you been kidnapped? Is this a secret code to let us know you’re in danger?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@bennydicks: @beesato haha!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@beesato: @bennydicks the fuck?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>34. Benny's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Notes app: SIGNS BEE LOVES ME?!</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Hero says so and Hero has never lied a day in her life and Bee tells her everything.</span></li>
<li><span>Screencap: Hey they want me to tell you we’re going to McDonald’s /// wow begs me to come to McDonald’s]</span></li>
<li><span>“Are you having a stroke” “have you been kidnapped” is so concerned about me???]</span></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>35. Benny makes a change in his contacts.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>[an image of Bee’s contact picture and name in Benny’s phone, from no picture and a bee emoji to the picture from Bee’s Instagram, and his name is now a bee emoji and a heart emoji]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>36. Ursula's phone</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>So I think we’re going to set Bee up in a few days.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Are you sure about this, Hero? Benny has been acting so weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>He walked in on Bee playing around on the keyboard and he just turned around and walked right out.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>No Elton John jokes?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>No.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>No Piano Man references?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>No.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>No yelling about that scene in the Aristocats?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>He just mumbled something about fingers and left.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>WOW</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>I know!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>We might be breaking something here.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Oh, we are not breaking anything! Love requires risk, Ursula!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Some cupids use arrows and some use traps!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Risk is just risk. No need to romanticize something that can lead to people getting hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Are you telling me not to romanticize romance?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>I’m telling you that love requires being careful with things like feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Oh come on.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Love is about risk. If you don’t trust your heart, what can you trust?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>Some people don’t have that luxury.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>37. Ursula's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[pictured: three google searches. One is “unrequ” with suggestions: unrequited love, unrequited, unrequited definition, unrequited love songs; the next is “getting over so”, finishing with getting over someone, getting over someone you love, getting over someone quotes. Last is “telling your best” with only one suggestion: “telling your best friend you love her”]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>38. Rico's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[the contact name is: John Prince is a dick but giving me money</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>so what exactly do you need me to do I’m happy to take your money but</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>I need you to listen to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>This may seem petty to you but CJ Florence and my brother ruined my life.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>And I intend to return the favor.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>You want me to ruin CJ’s life? His band is doing pretty well right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>CJ’s career is not his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>Hero?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>John: </b>
  <span>Exactly.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <b>John: </b>
    <span>CJ is fond of public humiliation, whether or not it is deserved.]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>39. Benny's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Text message: May 23, 9:49 AM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>good set last night!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>how are you today?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>What are you, a cop?</span>
  <span class="u"></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Notes app: SIGNS BEE LOVES ME?!</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Hero says so and Hero has never lied a day in her life and Bee tells her everything.</span></li>
<li><span>Screencap: Hey they want me to tell you we’re going to McDonald’s /// wow begs me to come to McDonald’s]</span></li>
<li><span>“Are you having a stroke” “have you been kidnapped” is so concerned about me???</span></li>
<li><span>Screencap: What are you, a cop? // tries to be funny for me?</span></li>
<li><span>Yesterday he walked over to me and I could SEE the love in his eyes even though what he said was, “why are you in my spot”</span></li>
<li><span>When I took his cereal he only smacked me three times instead of five</span></li>
<li><span>When I visited their bus, he said, “Oh good, the asshole is here.” OH GOOD. he said OH GOOD.</span></li>
<li><span>When I said we should all do karaoke he said, “fuck you” and I said, “promise?” and his entire neck turned red.</span></li>
<li><span>He was playing a really fun playlist at lunch and when I asked him about it he shrugged and said it was playlist for having a good fucking time is that a problem and we both laughed?</span></li>
<li><span>Fuck</span></li>
<li><span>Maybe this list should be called “signs I love Bee”]</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>40. Zar's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span> <span class="u"><strong></strong></span></p><p>
  <span>[Conversation between Zar and CJ:</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>So I’ve been writing some songs for the next record.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Oh yeah? Send them over.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Some of the stuff is sort of different.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Different how?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Well, a little more emotional kind of? About more than just partying.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>I mean I can look at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>We kind of have a signature sound though.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>We do?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>But hey! You should show some of your stuff to Pedro!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Uh no? He’s a real musician?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>YOU’RE a real musician!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>I mean, sort of?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>You’re the best! Benny talks about how great your songs are all the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>All Benny has ever said about my songs is “why does love make everyone sound so stupid”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Okay, well today Benny asked me if Bee’s eyes “danced more than usual when he saw me, dude?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>This is my favorite thing we’ve ever done.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Ask Pedro! Or I’ll get Hero to trick you into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Keep Hero and her schemes far away from me.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>41. Benny’s phone. Bee is always carrying his drumsticks around to drum on his legs, the table, the couch. Benny is very distracted by it</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><span class="u"><strong></strong></span>  </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>dude what the hell</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>what?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>You keep glaring at me!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>yes. glaring. you have to keep drumming on your legs like that?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Alright there’s no way you can hear that from over there</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: n</b>
  <span>o, it’s your hands. they’re distracting</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>My hands are distracting</span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>y<span>eah you have really bad hands hasn’t anyone ever told you that</span></p><p><b>Benny: </b>o<span>h THAT gesture is mature</span></p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>My hands aren’t bad!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>look, i’m just tired. hero and CJ kept me up all night.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>What? How?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>well our bunks are very close</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>and they were doin it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>bangin</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>makin the beast with two backs</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>oh man every time i send you one of those you get redder</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I’m not red!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>makin whoopee!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I have never blushed before in my entire life.</span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>h<span>onored to see the first instance then.</span></p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Go take a nap</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>forty winks</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>catch some zzz’s</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>get some shut eye</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I hate it here.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>42. Bee's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[pictured: an image of Oscar the Grouch holding up a horrifically bright patterned shirt and saying, “see this bowling shirt? I just saw it in the store window and the colors actually gave me a headache. So of course I bought it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>(sends above image) Look at this picture I found of Benny.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>my shirts are cool (sunglasses emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>They’re something</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>what about those stupid bandanas you always wear man</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you look like a very small, very useless rambo.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>They serve a purpose.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>what fucking purpose? you live in a bus with very pretty girls?? there is no danger??</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Oh my god he’s hiding a tattoo from you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Mags!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>WHAT</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>WHAT IS IT</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <b>Benny: </b>
    <span>IS IT ON HIS FOREHEAD]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>43. Bee's phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p><strong>[</strong>Conversation continued:</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Why would it be on my fucking forehead?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>It’s behind one of his ears</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>this is the happiest day in my whole goddamn life</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I’m quitting the band, what the fuck you guys</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Honey, it’s 7 AM and you and Benny have been using the group chat to argue about Ted Danson for an hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>We were all arguing about Ted Danson!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>nope, just you and me have strong opinions.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>is it a heart?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>is it a peace sign?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>is it a very little portrait of sir kenneth branaugh?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Yup, it’s the last one. And he’s wearing a shirt that says “Hawaiian shirts unbuttoned to the navel are not fashionable”. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>I’m going to kill both of you, SHUT UP</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>Guys, it is a little painful</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>like getting a tattoo</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <b>Bee: </b>
    <span>Oh my God]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>44. A night off / Benny's phone</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[the whole tour group chat: may 26, 1:21 PM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>let’s go bowling tonight!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Tonight?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>yes! i looked it up, there’s a cool one with a bar and pizza not far.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>we never do anything fun, just stupid performing in stupid stadiums (sad emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Pedro: </b>
  <span>Sorry?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>I’m up for it! That sounds so fun!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>As Hero goes, so goes my nation.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>gross. tattooed man?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I’m really bad at bowling.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you know what, I had a feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Fuck you, dude.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i can show you how to get a strike babyyy. i am very good at bowling.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>He weirdly is.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>or a banana split (bowling emoji)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>That’s not what it’s called.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>how would you know? you suck at bowling.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>45. Mags' phone. Bee's turn to be victim to schemes.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  <strong>   </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>[schemes! Group text:</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Okay babes! Hero asked me to update you all LIVE as we trick Bee Bee and Ursula said it won’t be suspicious because I am “always on my phone” which is supposed to be a slam but I still love her. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>You’re doing it now? At the bowling alley?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>It’s not a slam if it’s the truth!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Zar: </b>
  <span>Isn’t the bowling alley a little weird?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>We decided we needed them to stop arguing about what constitutes a banana split.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Good call. Go ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Okay, so we followed behind Bee and he leaned down to pick a new ball so we’re pretending we can’t see him behind the ball rack. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>So Ursula missed her cue so I SAID,”wait, WHAT did CJ say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Shout out. Dope.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>And Hero’s all, “Benny is head over heels in love with Bee!” and Bee definitely just dropped an entire bowling ball.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CJ: </b>
  <span>Shit! Is he okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Yeah, I don’t think it hit him. It just rolled past us. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>So Ursula is saying that Benny acts dumb but has a sweet heart. Aww, Urs! He does! And that Bee is too cruel.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>lmao someone took a ball out and he had to duck even lower. He is crouched SO SMALL lol.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Anyway now Hero is saying that CJ says that Benny says that he’s never loved anything like he loves Bee. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>And I definitely hear some sniffling which is cute because Bee only cries at weddings, funerals, and that commercial where the dad folds gum wrappers for his kid.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Oh God, a child came and tried to take the ball right in front of Bee’s face and he’s holding onto it and hissing at her!</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <b>Mags: </b>
    <span>Okay the child won and Bee fell onto his back in the struggle so we are walking away and pretending we didn’t see him.]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>46. Bee’s phone. He gets Formal when he is uncomfortable.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>[</strong>
  </span>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>hey, where’d you go? I bribed the bartender into letting me make you a drink I invented just now. </span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>it<span>’s called the spicy honey bee!! i made it with that mike’s hot honey you’re obsessed with. also some other stuff that i wanna see if you can taste. no worries it’s probably all non-toxic.</span></p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>That is very kind and generous of you, Benjamin, but unfortunately I have fallen ill and I must away.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>what? </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>are you okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I just need to lie down for eight to twelve hours. Good evening!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>you are so weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>also what the fuck do you think my name is benjamin]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>47. Bee’s phone. Journal app, searches, and going back in time on the insta. Oh Ariana, we’re really in it now.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[Four screenshots from Bee’s phone:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first is a Journaling app: the heading is 5 Minute PM</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Headline: Three things that happened today:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>1. WHAT</span>
</p><p>
  <span>2. THE</span>
</p><p>
  <span>3. FUCK</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Headline: How could I have made today better? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What! What! What! Maybe my friends could've told me I was being an asshole to someone who had FEELINGS for me even though he's always been a dickhead and making fun of my by calling me cute and little even though he's barely taller than me. Also yesterday he cheated at Clue and then made fun of me for forty-five minutes but it did make me laugh. And I also cheated at Clue so. I guess I could try being nicer to him. I'm always so mean to him. Why does he even like me? I'll try to be nicer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second is the google results for “signs he’s in love with you”, featuring articles such as “20 undeniable signs he loves you (and 13 signs he doesn’t)”. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The third is Benny’s twitter page, featuring recent tweets: </span>
</p><p>
  <span>@bennydicks: falling of skateboards is just one of my many god-given talents (picture of Benny on skateboard)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@bennydicks: just asking what’s the most amount of hot wings a person can eat before irreversible damage is done</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The fourth is an image from Benny’s instagram page, a photo of him. The caption reads, “hey for real, do I always look like a really handsome serial killer”]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>48. Bee’s phone / group chat with hero &amp; the villains, conversation with Benny</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[group chat: better than the beatles. May 27, 9:33 AM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hero: </b>
  <span>You feeling any better, sweetie? You left in a hurry last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Yeah, just feeling a little under the weather. Just gonna sleep it off today.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ursula: </b>
  <span>You need us to get you some medicine? I’m sure we can find you some vitamin D.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>I think Walgreens has some benedictus.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>What’s that supposed to mean?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>It’s just a medicinal herb! What does “what’s that supposed to mean” mean?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Conversation with Benny:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>text from previous night left on screen: also what the fuck do you think my name is benjamin</span>
</p><p>
  <span>May 27, 9:40 AM</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Sorry. It’s Benedict, right?</span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>i<span>t is, i swear to god, benedick</span></p><p><b>Benny: </b>m<span>y mom is a sunday school teacher and had no idea there was anything untoward about something that sounded like benediction.</span></p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Wow, you must’ve been a real surprise for her in a lot of ways.</span>
</p><p><b>Benny: </b>i <span>will have you know that when i came out very classily (drunk after prom), she made me a rainbow quilt.</span></p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I meant more just your personality.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: y</b>
  <span>owch, bee bee!]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>50. Bee's phone, continued conversation.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>shit, sorry!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>it’s okay! i think you’re fucking hilarious.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Sorry I didn’t know your name. You’re Benny everywhere! Benedick is a long shot.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>no dude, after i sent that i realized i have zero clue what bee is short for.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Yes, we are both very enigmatic.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>is it like hard to spell? is it Japanese? because you’re half, right? shit, sorry if that’s a micro aggression.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I feel like all your aggressions are major.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>buddy, our whole communication style is roasting each other. it’s fine. are you seriously sick?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>I don’t know. Maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>and no, it’s not japanese and yes, i’m half. my parents are just really weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>Were they devastated by the tattoo?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>my mom is a glass blower and my dad owns a bar. they were devastated that i waited so long to get one.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>holy shit, bee, that’s awesome. wait, so what’s your name?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bee: </b>
  <span>Well, it’s no fun if I just tell you.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Benny: </b>
  <span>i gave up benedick for NOTHING?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>51. Failed attempts at flirting, followed by the actual message sent.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>[Messages typed but not sent: I want your attention. You’re cute but dumb.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <b>Bee: </b>
    <span>Yeah, you’re a fucking sucker.]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Bee’s phone, journal app.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p><strong>[Heading: </strong>Day Summary</p><p>Heading: Any notable things happen today?</p><p>He didn't seem to mind me being a jerk.</p><p>Heading: I've been thinking about... </p><p>I don't really mind him being an ass. It's kind of fun, the two of us going back and forth.</p><p>Heading: What's next?</p><ul>
<li>Argue with Benny more because it's fun</li>
<li>Maybe</li>
<li>Maybe like him back</li>
<li>Maybe</li>
</ul><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>52. Mags' phone.</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[</span>
  <b>Unknown number: </b>
  <span>uhhh hey</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Hello? Who is this?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Unknown number: </b>
  <span>This is Rico, I’m a roadie on the tour. Is this Mags?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Yes! Hi Rico! I know who you are!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>Hey! I sort of bribed Zar for your number, I hope that’s okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Depends on how much you spent!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>Bought him a drink and told him he could borrow my switch.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Mags: </b>
  <span>Wow, you got ripped off.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Rico: </b>
  <span>Yeah?</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <b>Mags: </b>
    <span>Yeah. Would’ve given you my number for free.]</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>END OF ACT TWO</strong>
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>